Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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