Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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