sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize