im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
