She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
