I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
