yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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