My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Are my feet made of real feet?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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