i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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