The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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