went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
