didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
