he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
