He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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