Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
