My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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