is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
