What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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