I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
