i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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