is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
