Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
