She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
