Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
