So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
