I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
