did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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