I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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