It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
