i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
