The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
