Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
