Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
