I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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