he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
