I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
