I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize