He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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