Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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