Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
