you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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