Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
