Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
