he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
