ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
