I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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