never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
