how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
