I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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