I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
