I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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