We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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