You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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