He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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