Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
