Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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