someone threw a dead crab at me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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