I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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