I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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