4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
