I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
