I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
