I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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